I HAVE A DREAM......

Pretty amazing discussion while we ate dinner tonight. I think it started with a discussion on the Revolutionary War which led to a discussion on the Civil War which led Tem to tell us everything he knows about Abraham Lincoln which then led to talking about Martin Luther King Jr. Following so far?

So we decided that we had to stop everything and watch the "I have a dream" speech. Tem and Tessa were so interested in everything he was saying! And we talked about his assassination and watched the news clips and talked about slavery and racism and peaceful protests and on and on......And Tessa kept asking "WHY?" to everything!! If you've talked to her recently, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Like HOW in the world could a white man think it was okay to have a black man for a slave?? And HOW in the world could anyone ever think that one person has more rights than another based on color??

As Phil and I talked and listened, we were both hit with thoughts and memories of the '60s and how we never would have dreamed we would be here today, mama and papa to two little Ethiopian children. We both always cared about civil rights and equality but never thought it would affect us so personally. It matters so much to me that my children are treated fairly and have the same opportunities as other children. And I am speaking about all six of my children, who are all so different from each other and have different strengths and weaknesses. How could we possibly value one of them more than another?

In my fifty years of life, I think I have seen a lot of progress in the area of equal rights for all people, but I know we have a long way to go. I am thankful that MLK Jr. had a dream and although he didn't get to the "promised land" he did have a vision.

Oh, and our dinner conversations really aren't always this deep. Just in case you were wondering:)

Making Room for Life......

We have some of our deepest conversations while on the road. Today when I was dropping Tem and Tess off for school, Tess told me she wishes she had magical powers so she could hear Jesus talk to her. Hmmmmmm.......where do I even start? So instead of pointing out her many theological errors, we talked. And as we talked, I realized I was preaching to myself.

I told the kids how important it is to have time to listen to Jesus. And we have to ask him to speak to us and show us more of himself and point us in the right direction. We have to have quiet time in our days. Then, of course, we have to be ready to do what he tells us to do. If he's clearly speaking to us, it just isn't an option to obey or not obey.

I just got back from a quick little vacation with Kate and Abby. We visited my best friend, Lori, and her daughter, Renee, in Fort Myers, Florida. It was a blessed vacation in every way possible. We laughed. We talked about EVERYTHING. We rested. We laid in the sun. We walked. We discussed deep topics and made new memories and began to plan Abby and Steve's upcoming wedding. It was a step back from my life. I was feeling lots of stress and it seemed there was never time to exercise or eat right or accomplish the things on my list each day. Life was just moving too fast.

In Costco on one of those glorious sunny days, we bought a bottle of Italian wine from a nice little man who barely spoke English.......but he took Lori and I aside and told us we "must use this wine for cooking, and drink a little while we are cooking, then a little bit with dinner." So we took his advice and it took us quite awhile to cook dinner but it was unhurried and full of laughter and good conversation and then we lingered at the table for a long while just listening to her husband Dan's hilarious stories.

And now I am home. But with a new determination to savor the moments. Slow down. Listen for Jesus' voice. I mean, really, I can always move the things on today's list to tomorrow's:) Right?

Some funny conversations

Setting: Hoffmaster State Park
Tem just ran across the street without looking for cars......
Me: Temamen, what are you supposed to do before crossing the street??!!
Tem: Hmmmmmm......Smile? (flashing his biggest smile)


Setting: Nighttime, in the car, full moon outside
Tess: The moon is following me.
Me: Oh really?
Tess: When I go, it goes. When I stop, it stops.
Me: Are you sure?
Tess: The moon was always following me in Ethiopia too.
Me: I guess the moon is following you.

Honoring Marriage and Family and Love (even when you don't want to........)

"Love does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong......" (from 1 Corinthians 13).
During this past year I have celebrated a 50th birthday and a 25th wedding anniversary and it got me reflecting on life. I thought some of those hard seasons, and there were many.......being home with little kids instead of focusing on a career, times of loneliness and isolation, sickness, death, loss, realizing that I will never be completely fulfilled in THIS life. Everyone who has ever been married or had children to raise has had days where it just sounds good to run away. Forever. Start over. Just be responsible for me, no one else.

But then you stay. And thank God for the sense he gave me (you) to stay put. And then there are those milestone days where you look around at your family and thank God for each of them. And all their imperfections. And the way they love me, in spite of my imperfections. It's really quite beautiful.

Last night I went to the hospital to see my niece, Rachel, who had been in a bad car accident earlier that morning. So many people in my extended family were there. We haven't all agreed on everything over the years, sometimes even had arguments or held grudges or just haven't loved each other well. But in a time of crisis, we're all there. Hugging each other. Loving each other. Supporting each other. That's what families do. It's beautiful.

I just pray that if anyone out there is thinking of abandoning it all, think again. And again. And ask God to somehow, some way give you the strength to hang in there. One more day. One more week. One more year. Soon you will be celebrating the milestone markers and thanking God for these quirky, wonderful people who do life with you.

COLOR BLIND?? OR NOT......

Ever since we brought children of other various shades of color into the family, I have been wondering about the whole issue of race......Do they notice? Does it matter? What is the reaction of others in their ethnic group (not that I really care......). I just find it interesting. Probably because I am an ENFP and I am fascinated by anything to do with people.

The the other night, I tucked Tessa into bed and as I was laying next to her, she said, "Mama, you only like me cuz I'm black." Hmmmm. OK. And earlier that week she had told me that her friend's parents can't be married because "he black and she white." So I guess she does notice color.....

But all of the reaction we've had from the African-American community has been positive. I was a little surprised. An African-American lady working at the polls last week hugged me when she saw the kids and thanked me for being a blessing to them. Others have smiled or given encouraging words. Some Ethiopian people stop their cars to talk to the kids in Amharic.

And although it happens so rarely, whenever we run into people of Roma or Gypsy heritage, there is an instant connection to Robbie.

Somehow it all makes me feel like I'm part of a bigger family. The kind of family that notices color, but more than that notices what's underneath the exterior. And I like that feeling.

Writing Is Really Quite Simple.......

Frederick Buechner says in his book The Clown in the Belfry that "writing is really quite simple; all you have to do is sit down at your typewriter and open a vein." Which is probably why I haven't updated the blog in quite a while. I'm afraid that once I open a vein, the bleeding will never stop......

I have plenty to say. It's just that it's not all encouraging and cute and funny and won't make everyone out there run to the nearest adoption agency to see how many kids they can adopt. First, let me say that I am not in any way saying that I regret our decisions to add children by adoption. No, no, no......this was definitely God's plan from day #1 of our marriage. Maybe even before.

I am just feeling more and more emotional about all that bringing children into a family through adoption includes......the brokenness, the joy, the heartache, the grief of losing one family, the wonder of gaining a new family, the wounds from the past that just won't heal, my own insecurity as a parent, my own lack of wisdom when challenges come at me. When I think of the decisions my adopted kids' birthmoms had to make, it makes me cry. And I think of all the time (and in Robbie's case, years) spent with no one to wipe those tears or care for their medical needs or just hug and rock and feed and cuddle them. My heart breaks. Hopefully in a good way. Although right now all I am feeling is the brokenness and my inadequacy to meet their emotional needs. I suppose once again God is just showing me that I need him. I can't do any of this on my own.

So pray for us.......some of you may look at the Warners' family and think we are a pretty great family, have it all together, don't struggle with much. Not true. We're all pretty human and I'm sure I am making many parenting mistakes. But I am asking God for the strength each day to know who needs me the most and to help a little with the healing that needs to happen in each life.

Next time I write, I promise I will have some cutesie thing that Tessa said or something incredibly perceptive that Tem thought of.......but for now, this is all I have.