Writing Is Really Quite Simple.......

Frederick Buechner says in his book The Clown in the Belfry that "writing is really quite simple; all you have to do is sit down at your typewriter and open a vein." Which is probably why I haven't updated the blog in quite a while. I'm afraid that once I open a vein, the bleeding will never stop......

I have plenty to say. It's just that it's not all encouraging and cute and funny and won't make everyone out there run to the nearest adoption agency to see how many kids they can adopt. First, let me say that I am not in any way saying that I regret our decisions to add children by adoption. No, no, no......this was definitely God's plan from day #1 of our marriage. Maybe even before.

I am just feeling more and more emotional about all that bringing children into a family through adoption includes......the brokenness, the joy, the heartache, the grief of losing one family, the wonder of gaining a new family, the wounds from the past that just won't heal, my own insecurity as a parent, my own lack of wisdom when challenges come at me. When I think of the decisions my adopted kids' birthmoms had to make, it makes me cry. And I think of all the time (and in Robbie's case, years) spent with no one to wipe those tears or care for their medical needs or just hug and rock and feed and cuddle them. My heart breaks. Hopefully in a good way. Although right now all I am feeling is the brokenness and my inadequacy to meet their emotional needs. I suppose once again God is just showing me that I need him. I can't do any of this on my own.

So pray for us.......some of you may look at the Warners' family and think we are a pretty great family, have it all together, don't struggle with much. Not true. We're all pretty human and I'm sure I am making many parenting mistakes. But I am asking God for the strength each day to know who needs me the most and to help a little with the healing that needs to happen in each life.

Next time I write, I promise I will have some cutesie thing that Tessa said or something incredibly perceptive that Tem thought of.......but for now, this is all I have.