Some funny conversations

Setting: Hoffmaster State Park
Tem just ran across the street without looking for cars......
Me: Temamen, what are you supposed to do before crossing the street??!!
Tem: Hmmmmmm......Smile? (flashing his biggest smile)


Setting: Nighttime, in the car, full moon outside
Tess: The moon is following me.
Me: Oh really?
Tess: When I go, it goes. When I stop, it stops.
Me: Are you sure?
Tess: The moon was always following me in Ethiopia too.
Me: I guess the moon is following you.

Honoring Marriage and Family and Love (even when you don't want to........)

"Love does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong......" (from 1 Corinthians 13).
During this past year I have celebrated a 50th birthday and a 25th wedding anniversary and it got me reflecting on life. I thought some of those hard seasons, and there were many.......being home with little kids instead of focusing on a career, times of loneliness and isolation, sickness, death, loss, realizing that I will never be completely fulfilled in THIS life. Everyone who has ever been married or had children to raise has had days where it just sounds good to run away. Forever. Start over. Just be responsible for me, no one else.

But then you stay. And thank God for the sense he gave me (you) to stay put. And then there are those milestone days where you look around at your family and thank God for each of them. And all their imperfections. And the way they love me, in spite of my imperfections. It's really quite beautiful.

Last night I went to the hospital to see my niece, Rachel, who had been in a bad car accident earlier that morning. So many people in my extended family were there. We haven't all agreed on everything over the years, sometimes even had arguments or held grudges or just haven't loved each other well. But in a time of crisis, we're all there. Hugging each other. Loving each other. Supporting each other. That's what families do. It's beautiful.

I just pray that if anyone out there is thinking of abandoning it all, think again. And again. And ask God to somehow, some way give you the strength to hang in there. One more day. One more week. One more year. Soon you will be celebrating the milestone markers and thanking God for these quirky, wonderful people who do life with you.

COLOR BLIND?? OR NOT......

Ever since we brought children of other various shades of color into the family, I have been wondering about the whole issue of race......Do they notice? Does it matter? What is the reaction of others in their ethnic group (not that I really care......). I just find it interesting. Probably because I am an ENFP and I am fascinated by anything to do with people.

The the other night, I tucked Tessa into bed and as I was laying next to her, she said, "Mama, you only like me cuz I'm black." Hmmmm. OK. And earlier that week she had told me that her friend's parents can't be married because "he black and she white." So I guess she does notice color.....

But all of the reaction we've had from the African-American community has been positive. I was a little surprised. An African-American lady working at the polls last week hugged me when she saw the kids and thanked me for being a blessing to them. Others have smiled or given encouraging words. Some Ethiopian people stop their cars to talk to the kids in Amharic.

And although it happens so rarely, whenever we run into people of Roma or Gypsy heritage, there is an instant connection to Robbie.

Somehow it all makes me feel like I'm part of a bigger family. The kind of family that notices color, but more than that notices what's underneath the exterior. And I like that feeling.

Writing Is Really Quite Simple.......

Frederick Buechner says in his book The Clown in the Belfry that "writing is really quite simple; all you have to do is sit down at your typewriter and open a vein." Which is probably why I haven't updated the blog in quite a while. I'm afraid that once I open a vein, the bleeding will never stop......

I have plenty to say. It's just that it's not all encouraging and cute and funny and won't make everyone out there run to the nearest adoption agency to see how many kids they can adopt. First, let me say that I am not in any way saying that I regret our decisions to add children by adoption. No, no, no......this was definitely God's plan from day #1 of our marriage. Maybe even before.

I am just feeling more and more emotional about all that bringing children into a family through adoption includes......the brokenness, the joy, the heartache, the grief of losing one family, the wonder of gaining a new family, the wounds from the past that just won't heal, my own insecurity as a parent, my own lack of wisdom when challenges come at me. When I think of the decisions my adopted kids' birthmoms had to make, it makes me cry. And I think of all the time (and in Robbie's case, years) spent with no one to wipe those tears or care for their medical needs or just hug and rock and feed and cuddle them. My heart breaks. Hopefully in a good way. Although right now all I am feeling is the brokenness and my inadequacy to meet their emotional needs. I suppose once again God is just showing me that I need him. I can't do any of this on my own.

So pray for us.......some of you may look at the Warners' family and think we are a pretty great family, have it all together, don't struggle with much. Not true. We're all pretty human and I'm sure I am making many parenting mistakes. But I am asking God for the strength each day to know who needs me the most and to help a little with the healing that needs to happen in each life.

Next time I write, I promise I will have some cutesie thing that Tessa said or something incredibly perceptive that Tem thought of.......but for now, this is all I have.

lately...

BROTHERS. Robbie and Tem have been greatly improving in their ability to get along. And we are so thankful for this! Most of their time is spent either...Wrestling. Playing World Cup soccer in the backyard (Romania vs. Ethiopia...its a pretty fair competition). Watching movies. Taking pictures of themselves to hang up in their room. Or Tem trying to teach Robbie how to speak Amharic. Its all pretty comical.
This video, from a few days ago, is Tem trying to sing "Have a Holly, Jolly Christmas" from a musical greeting card. He doesn't quite get it :)

Tessa on the Phone...

Frogs and Bird Nests

Yesterday, Tem and Tessa spent the majority of the afternoon in the backyard. Tessa was busy chasing a frog around the yard, attempting to catch it in her small toy net. Tem decided he was going to build a bird nest and got busy making mud and finding grass.

Yesterday Abby and I were bringing Tem and Tessa out to Muskegon to spend the night with Grandma and Grandpa. So we were almost there when a deer ran across the road and this is the conversation between them that followed........

Tessa: Does he bite?

Tem: We can eat him. Yummy! I love chicken!!

Playground. Pizza. Picnic.

Its Been A While...

We have been home from Ethiopia for about three months.

Wow. Three months of laughter. Transition. Joy. Paperwork. Fun. Stress. Love.

And for some reason, we can't find time to ever update the blog :)

The latest update...

-Tem and Tessa love their scooters. The other night, they brought their scooters to Dad so he could "fix" them with his tools. Tessa was getting kinda warm because of the start of a Michigan summer, so she just decided to take her shirt off in the front yard. No big deal.

-They are starting to use English a lot more than at first. Tessa's latest thing is, "Hey Mama. Hey Mama. Hey look." anytime she needs attention. Tem's favorite phrase seems to be, "What is this?" He uses it for anything..."Rumble strips. What is this?" or when he saw a guy with his shirt off, he said, "No shirt. What is this?"

-We are learning over and over again that adoption is not easy. It is loaded full of emotion and up-and-downs and craziness and transitions and hard work. But its so worth it. And its what God did for us. That's a humbling thought.

"In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will -- to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." Ephesians 1:4-6

paperclips and acorns.......

funny story. and true even. i was making tem and tessa's beds this morning and realized that while the rest of us are sleeping at night, they are quite busy.

tem's bed was full of acorn shells. apparently he got hungry during the night and decided that the acorns he and tess collected would make a yummy midnight snack.

and tessa's bed was full of paperclips. attached together to make quite a beautiful necklace.

huh. i wonder what we have planned for tonight??

New pets...

Today, Tem and Tessa became the proud owners of four goldfish.

Tem decided to name them: Abel, Hanna, Water, and WashHands.

A WOMAN IN AFRICA........

I am forever connected to a woman in Africa. She has trusted me with her children. We have some similarities.....but many more differences.

We both have had eye injuries. She lost her eye. I have perfect vision once again.

We both have had a baby at home. She was alone in her mud hut. No midwife. No husband. No one. I had my husband, my mother-in-law, my neighbors, a hospital five minutes away.

We both have children who can make us laugh and cry. She has watched her children go hungry, go without medicine, get ostracized for having parents with AIDS.........I have not. I have never even had to worry about where the next meal is coming from.

We have extended families. She only has two family members still living......her parents are gone, her husband, most of the others. I have parents, in-laws, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends who feel like family.

I will never understand why God chose to place me in America and placed her in Ethiopia. Her life has always been quite difficult, mine has been so easy. Whenever I begin to complain of the minor inconveniences in my life, I will remember this woman in Africa. And I am forever connected to her and indebted to her for the gift of Temamen and Tigest.

Skype is an incredible invention...

On Saturday night, Tem skyped one of his best friends from the orphanage who was adopted the same week. It was hilarious. Tem and his buddy chatted in Amharic for a long time while Tessa kept running back to her room, changing clothes, and then reappearing in order to show off her new wardrobe.

Not sure what alphabet this is...

How are you?

Today, we tried to teach Tem how to answer this question. He responds in one of two ways...

1. He either repeats the phrase back to us so that the conversation goes something like this:
"How are you?" -us
"How are you?" - Tem

2. Or today he answered like this (something he must have learned at the orphanage):
"How are you?" -us
"I'm fine. Thank you, teacher." (He emphasizes the last syllable so that it sounds like this: "I'm fine. Thank you, tea-CHAIR.")

Haha.

Best Video Ever.

Videos from Ethiopia...

Meeting Tem for the first time...

Tem and the other kids at his orphanage singing before he left

It is hard to keep updating the blog; everytime we think of something to write, its time to run off to something else...

Tem and Tessa have kept us busy, but they make us laugh all the time!
Maybe its their ridiculously fast conversations they have with each other in Amharic.
Or the way they can spend hours making beaded necklaces.
Or Tessa doing her hair in the mirror for half an hour and continually saying, "Yes! Yes!"
Or watching them put in a home video from our summer camp for the 50th time, laughing at the same parts everytime.
Or their insane love for pizza (seriously they could eat it for every meal; tonight Tessa ate two pieces of lasagna because she thought it was "pizza").
Or Tessa walking around the house using whatever English she knows: "I love you, sister! Broccoli head! Shoes! DVD! Yes!"
Or the way Tem hides behind the door every day dad gets home from work to jump out at him (Tem thinks it is the funniest thing in the world).
Or Tessa's "nap times" when we usually discover her sitting up in bed playing with dolls or pretending to read books.
Or their excitement to ride in the car (they run around the house looking for their shoes saying "Mequina! Beep! Beep!")
Or Tem attempting to take notes in church by copying the diagram that the pastor puts on the screen.
Or Tessa singing part of the Ethiopian national anthem while she rode the carousel at the mall because she saw a flag.

Ice Skating and Other Adventures...

We recently took Tem (we haven't switched to Trey yet; he is just so used to his name and this is working well for now) and Tessa ice skating downtown. They are quickly getting used to putting on all of their snow gear. All we have to say is, "Tem, Tessa. Coats!" They scurry off and find their coats, snowpants, hats, mittens, and boots. (Even if we are just running to the store)

We didn't know what to expect when we took them ice skating. Tessa's first reaction was to make a licking motion and say, "ice cream?" Nope, Tess. Ice skating. Get ready for an adventure.

Tessa was nervous right away, not even wanting to touch the ice. Tem took off on shaky legs and soon fell and hit his head. After some tears, he was right back up, determined to master this new American skill. Eventually, with our help, they seemed to be somewhat enjoying it. When we skated off the rink, both the kids said, "No, no, no." (With a wag of their finger)...They wanted to keep skating...

After the new experience, we headed out for an evening walk around downtown. Tem is quickly learning several English words. He would point to an object and tell us the word in Amharic and English. The night was great. As you can guess, both Ethiopians quickly drifted off to sleep soon after we got home :)

And here's just a few more pictures from the last couple weeks...

Adjusting...

As you can see, the kids are starting to adjust to life in the Warners household. Bathtime and playing in the snow are two favorites...

SLEDDING IN THE WOODS!!

I am being reminded in so many ways that we have lived in a very different world than our new Ethiopian children. Ben and I just took Temamen and Tessa out sledding. I'm thinking they're gonna love Provin Trails since it's in the woods and we can pull them around on the sled. Wrong. Tem was fine with going down the hill and loved that part but as we started going into the woods, he looked scared to death and said, "Anbesa!! Anbesa!!" (my Amharic spelling is terrible I'm sure:) Abnesa means "lion." Then I realized that in Ethiopia, you don't just go out for a walk in the woods. There are wild animals. The kind that can eat you. Does this mean that our children will never be backpackers?? Hope not. Eventually they will learn that a walk in the woods in America is very different than a walk in the woods in Africa.
Another big adventure is trying to figure out what they like to eat. Almost everything I put in front of Tessa she wrinkles up her nose and pushes it away.......except eggs, bananas, and french fries. Somehow we have to convince them to drink milk too. Until then, lots of Flintstones chewables:) Tem is a little more adventurous in the eating department, but his taste in food must be very differenet than mine. I gave him some apple pie this morning and he took one taste and looked like he was going to puke!! We'll figure this out eventually and probably hit the Ethiopian restaurants once a week or so........

Home!

Hello! We arrived home last night after some long delays in Detroit. Thank you so much for everyone who showed up at the airport and waited for such a long time to welcome us home. It was seriously one of the best moments in life. We love you all and thank you for all the support.

Also, our apologies for not writing from Ethiopia. Our internet connection didn't allow us to update the blog and we were busier than we realized with two kids and a lot of adventures in Addis Ababa. This morning the kids woke up early (must be the jet lag and the excitement) and they are exploring the house, helping Abby scrape the snow off her car, and talking nonstop to each other in Amharic. Its so fun :)

We will update more later...There are so many highlights of the week; some include...
1. a great appointment at the U.S. Embassy (we got through with no problems, while some of the other families ran into various issues with paperwork...)
2. watching Valentine's Day at the movie theater in Ethiopia with our guide, Abel, and our driver.
3. going to the shadiest lion zoo that we have ever seen (we were within feet of very hungry-looking lions)
4. eating at Top View restaurant with Hannah, an Ethiopian social worker for Bethany, and looking out over Addis Ababa
5. meeting Trey and Tessa (Temamen and Tigest) and watching their excitement over new clothes, brushing teeth, and having a "Mama" and "Papa."
6. coming home to GR and being welcomed by a huge crowd of people we love!

Hello from Ethiopia!

We have arrived after 30+ hours of traveling (which is super exhausting), stops in Detroit, Amsterdam, an unexpected stop in Khartoum, Sudan (just to refuel and drop off some people) and finally Addis Ababa, Ethiopia!
We slept for over 12 hours last night after arriving at our amazing guest house. The guest house has been such a huge blessing and we have an amazing hostess who gave us Ethiopian coffee, toast, and omelettes when we woke up.
As usual, traveling in a new country is such an adventure. We have spent the morning sitting on our balcony, eating chick peas from the neighbor boy, and taking much needed showers. Tomorrow morning (Monday) we meet Trey and Tessa. There are five other families here with Bethany this week and we will meet them tomorrow too. We are eight hours ahead of Michigan time so it is currently Sunday afternoon here. We can't wait to see you all in a week!

-Phil, Connie, and Kate

The time has FINALLY come!

We are leaving for Ethiopia on February 12!



Last week, we received word that we are expected at the U.S. Embassy in Addis Ababa on February 16. We will be meeting the kids on February 14, the best Valentine's Day we could have ever imagined.

Currently, we are scrambling to finish all the travel details. Its kinda difficult to plan an overseas trip in less than two weeks! Phil, Connie, and Kate will be traveling together and will be staying at a guesthouse in Addis Ababa, the capital city of Ethiopia. Once we get the kids on February 14, they will be with us the remainder of the time. We aren't sure what we will be doing each day, but the mystery of it all is exciting. Please keep praying for us during this unique step of the journey...

We are planning on returning to the Grand Rapids airport on Sunday, February 21! If anyone is interested in coming to the airport, we would LOVE it! Let us know if you want to be contacted (Abby will be letting people know of any flight changes, etc. - anw223@gmail.com or facebook her) And then a new journey of adjustments, language, laughter, new experiences, new clothes, new people, new toys, and a new family begins...

Thanks for your prayers, encouragement, support, and love!

We are APPROVED!

Good news today! We just got an email saying that our court date occurred in Ethiopia today and we are APPROVED. Once our paperwork was sent to Ethiopia, there was a list of 14 things that needed to be done before we get our kids. The court date was #13 on the list. The only other thing left is an invitation to travel.

This is such an answer to prayer because, until now, there has been a possibility that we could be rejected. But, we are approved! Now, we are told that we must wait for an invitation from the U.S. Embassy to travel. They have told us that it could take 1-2 months before we travel, but things have been happening fast and anything could happen...And God can work as fast as he wants. So, please keep praying with us!

And...we got a few new pictures of Trey and Tessa today. Adorable and they look pretty social :). We can't wait! Here's Tessa (on the far left) with some friends. And here's Trey (bottom right). As you can see, there's lots of other cute kids :)